Desperate. . .

"If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?" is a question often used in spoofs of the Barbara Walters style of fluff celebrity interviews.* Thanks to Chase Visa, we finally know how to answer that question should it ever be posed to us: "I'd like to be the kind of tree that has its own charge account."

Many of us have tried — because we were tired of getting "junk mail" solicitations, wanted to prove how easy it is for just about anyone to obtain a credit card, or were simply in a prankish mood — submitting credit card applications with nonsensical information: filling them out in the name of an infant, a pet, or a fictional character. And it's not uncommon for such efforts to succeed; stories about someone's successfully obtaining a credit card for his infant daughter, a pet chihuahua, or Mickey Mouse are fairly common news fodder. However, in December 2005 a West Hollywood realtor achieved something we'd never heard of before: he got a credit card issued to a tree.

Recent changes to U.S. bankruptcy laws have made it more attractive for banks to offer credit cards to customers they might ordinarily have spurned (such as those just emerging from bankruptcy) or to offer more credit to existing customers. One result of this change is that many people have been seeing a flurry of credit card solicitations from various lenders in their daily mail.

One such person, a West Hollywood realtor by the name of Gary More, grew annoyed at the plethora of unwanted credit card applications he was receiving and tried calling the issuers to put a stop to all the junk mail. After that approach failed to achieve the desired results, he took one of the many unwanted solicitations in hand, scrawled the words "Never waste a tree" across it (as his way of telling the sender to stop wasting paper), and mailed it in.
And then ... you guessed it, Mr. More received a credit card from Chase Visa, issued to one "Never Waste Tree":

He declined to use the card (although a few bags of fertilizer might have been a symbolically relevant purchase) and instead cut it up.

We're waiting for the inevitable follow-up of a card made out to a famous mineral, perhaps "Mr. Plymouth Rock."

Because of all people, he needs to eat more

A 500-pound man in Seminole County, Fla., was arrested Tuesday on suspicion of scamming fast-food restaurants out of large amounts of milk shakes and tacos, according to a Local 6 News report.

Investigators said George Jolicoeur, 33, would visit fast-food businesses and order food.

Jolicoeur would then call or visit the restaurants posing as a police officer or a firefighter and ask for a refund because there was a hair in his food, according to the report.

"He would come back and say, 'Oh, there is something wrong with it,'" Seminole County Sheriff's spokesman Steve Olson said. "There was a hair in my shake or there was a hair in my tacos. And, then he wants his money back."

Jolicoeur was captured after he went to a Steak N' Shake restaurant near Oviedo and Taco Bell in Central Florida and allegedly tried to get money back for the food he ordered.

Local 6 News reported that Jolicoeur has been arrested more than 24 times on charges of burglary, drugs and domestic problems, Local 6 News reported.

"Jolicoeur's rap sheet is as thick as a book," Local 6 reporter Chris Trenkmann said. "When he was first checked into the jail in 1991, he weighed 360 pounds. This morning, the jail weighed him at 500 pounds."

Police in Sanford, Fla., and other cities are investigating the possibility that Jolicoeur was scamming area restaurants, Trenkmann said.

He remains in the Seminole County Jail facing several charges.

Some people just don't know when to quit

THEY were jetting off for a holiday in Kingston, Jamaica, and the drinks flowed freely during the ten-hour flight.

Intoxicated, the couple, who were seated in business class, decided to submit their membership for the 'mile-high club' in one of the toilets.

But the British Airways flight staff became suspicious after hearing cries of passion from the loo, and the randy couple was ordered to stop and return to their seats.

Randy quickly turned into angry.

Stunned passengers watched in horror as the couple fought with flight staff.

A passenger told The Sun: 'They were asked politely to return to their seats but went ballistic. They were shouting vile abuse and spitting at staff.'

Another said: 'The captain tried to calm them down but they were just as abusive to him.'
And despite being restrained with plastic handcuffs, the pilot decided he had no choice but to divert the 777 jet to Bermuda.

The couple, who were booked on a two-week holiday, were held by police in Bermuda and put on a flight back to Gatwick yesterday.

Now the duo, from Luton, Beds, have been arrested and face being charged with air rage. They may also have to bear the 20,000 ($58,950) cost of diverting the plane.